It was the opening night of Titanic in London. We were sitting down when before the opening credits there’s a screen saying it’s about to start... Everyone just goes quiet and my partner pipe’s up “don’t know why we are watching this, everyone knows it sinks at the end”... It was said loud enough for everyone to hear, and the entire audience burst out laughing. © David Mills / Quora
When I met my now-husband, we had been together maybe a week or two, and he broke wind when I hugged him. He said, “What did you expect. You squeezed it out.” © dontlooksosurprised / Reddit
My son has his girlfriend’s birthday on Saturday. I ask him, what are we getting her? He said she broke her coat can we buy her a new one? I’m glad he’s a gent, but no. © sandyisabelle / Twitter
One time, I was 4 minutes late to my shift because of unexpected traffic. When I come in, some girl is late as well. My boss is tearing into us about how horrible we are. I’m never late, she always is. She’s giving a sob story about her dog being sick (she always says a variation of someone being sick). Then my boss asked me why I was late, and I said, “No excuse. I messed up, and I’m sorry” and he flipped out. “No excuse? Ha ha ha! If I was late for a meeting and I didn’t give my boss an excuse, he would fire me!” So I told him that I was being honest and didn’t want to fool him with a sob story. He didn’t care, really. © Unknown Author / Reddit

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