“Why Are You so Tired? You’ve Been Home all Day!” A new mum Tells of Her Struggles in Starting out as a Freelancer

When I first thought about becoming a mother, I saw my near future through rose-coloured glasses. I imagined an energetic, blossoming young woman pushing a stroller down the street. She’s so happy, looking down at a smiling baby with dimples on his chubby cheeks. And then, upon getting home, she puts the little one to bed and sits down quietly at the computer to do a little work in silence.

But alas, life turned out to be much more complicated and mundane than that. So now I’m ready to share my experience with the readers of CHEERY, and tell you how I found out that being a working mother with a new-born on your hands is no easy task.

I gave birth to my son right after graduating from university. I must confess that the last few months of my studies and defending my thesis was all a blur — my head was occupied with other things: where to find a cheap cot and how to make at least minimal repairs to the nursery.

After the baby was born, the problems seemed to double. Other mothers may have felt enormous and all-encompassing love at the first sight of their baby, but that didn’t seem to be the case for me. In the early days I remember spending a lot of time looking at the little human I’ve made, and at the same time, comparing baby formula prices in my head.

My husband was also a recent graduate, so his salary was nowhere near enough. So, I started working almost as soon as I recovered from childbirth.

I decided to start with small part-time jobs and try my luck on the freelancing websites. At first, I grabbed at every job I could find, regardless of how little it paid. But once I got my bearings in the professional market, I found a few companies which steadily provided me with work.

If only my clients knew the conditions under which I work on their projects! First of all, my son would wake up at the slightest noise. A single creak of a chair in another room, or a drop of a pencil was enough to immediately manifest an unhappy child into my arms, and he didn’t care about his mum’s burning deadlines.

So often, not to disturb my son’s sound sleep, I would hide in the bathroom with my computer. I would just sit down on the floor, lean my back against the wall, and start typing frantically.

Secondly, in his early years, my son had a vital need to be attached to me like a baby sloth to a branch. He was always rubbing my hair, pulling my arm or leg, and wanting to cuddle all the time. At first I was delighted by this affection, but after a while I realised that in these quantities it becomes irritating.

Later I found out that I wasn’t the only one with this problem. Psychologists call it being “touched out”, and it’s a condition which many young mothers are prone to. However, once my son got a little older, he and I managed to find a compromise. I would sit down on the sofa with my laptop, and he would snuggle up against my side and play quietly — doing puzzles or flipping through a book.

This gave me some much-needed quiet at home and a chance to work in peace. But I couldn’t really get into it: every 10 to 15 minutes I’d be interrupted with another “Why’s this?” or “Mum, look!”

Thirdly, my relationship with my husband had completely broken down. He genuinely didn’t understand why I was devoting less time to family and household chores. In his eyes, it was no big deal: I do a little work, I wash the dishes, then I go do some more writing, I load the washing machine, talk to a colleague on video chat, put the pasta on the stove.

It was my mum who added fuel to the fire. She would usually come to visit us on weekends, and would never get tired of hinting at the fact that the house needed to be scrubbed from top to bottom, and her grandson should have been changed into his dressy overalls for her arrival. And anyway, how hard is it to mop the floor while the child is sleeping?

Once my son started kindergarten, the situation didn’t change. The idea was that now I’d have more free time. But, I only found new responsibilities being added to my daily routine: get up early to take my son to school, two times a week I’d take him to an after school club, and a couple of times a week to swimming practice. Why not, though, when I’m at home all day anyway?

It was in kindergarten that I first got judged by strangers. Some of the mothers would roll their eyes at me saying I have no time to get involved in the PTA, saying “What kind of work is that? You’re at home all day!”

So, according to the “officially employed” mothers, I spent the entire day strolling between the TV and the fridge, wearing a face mask, only occasionally shifting my focus to press a few buttons on the computer.

Only later I learned to tell people that I worked for “such and such” a company, without specifying that I was permanently based at home. That was easy enough living in the city. But a colleague of mine, who lives in a village, is still greeted at every parent’s meeting with the phrase “Have you still not got a job?” Living in a village, everyone knows everything about one another.

I always thought that being able to organise yourself while working remotely and raising a child requires a great deal of self-discipline. Let me tell you what my daily routine looks like at the moment.

I wake up at 6am and immediately check my work email. For about an hour I’m returning emails and closing tasks from the day before — there’s a two-hour time difference between me and my employer. Then I make breakfast, get my son out of bed and get him ready for kindergarten. Luckily, lately my husband has taken up the responsibility of driving him there.

Then within two hours I quickly finish all the housework — buy groceries, cook lunch (which will also be dinner), do some cleaning. 11:00am is the start of my workday: assignments, meetings and paperwork.

Twice a week I take my child to speech therapy and twice a week to swimming practice. This has to be planned into my schedule, too. Then I go home and get back to work. I usually manage to get away from the computer around 19:00 or 20:00. After that I need to spend at least some time with my family — talk to my husband and play with my son.

Any unexpected event, however, will seriously and for a long time disrupt my life, and my carefully established rhythm is instantly thrown out of whack. So I can’t go to a party with my girlfriends “right now” and I always ask my friends and relatives to give me at least a couple of days’ notice if they’re planning to visit.

Having said that, I can’t say that my house is always clean. There could easily be a pile of dishes in the sink for days sometimes, while I’m sitting at the computer wearing different socks. Simply because one of them (the one with funny stripes) immediately after arriving from the shop became a cape for a toy superhero, and a sock from the other pair disappeared in the washing machine’s infamous void.

A mountain of books has piled up on the shelves, which I keep promising myself that I will read each time a holiday comes around. But I also know that I will probably end up taking an easy read with me on my next trip to the seaside.

But on the plus side, I’m doing what I love, my husband has realised that I need a bit of help, and has taken on half of the household chores, and my son is growing by the day. Now I finally have me-time in my schedule: I can occasionally get out for a manicure, or go to a café with my girlfriends.

And I’ve finally stopped trying to convince others that working from home doesn’t mean you’re resting on the couch all day long, with a cup of coffee. If they find themselves in a similar situation, they’ll understand for themselves.

Have you had any experience of working while raising a new-born? How did your family feel about having to work around your schedule?