Why You Don’t Have to Care About Public Opinion and Can Go on Vacation Without Kids

When we think of a “family vacation”, we imagine an idyllic picture: parents and kids spend time on the beach, go to amusement parks, and go to cafes together. But many of us can confirm that it’s not much of rest when you’re with kids in a different country. Besides, there are additional problems: how to feel a child with unknown food, how to fix their sleep schedule, and what to do if a child throws tantrums.

I’m going to tell why my husband and I decided to spend 1 week of our vacations without kids. And in the bonus part, you will see similar stories of other parents together with the stories of older children that used to stay with their relatives.

When we got married, we knew we’d have 2 children. We dreamed of becoming an exemplary family, like from a magazine cover. And of course, we wouldn’t spend even a moment apart — people who love each other never get tired of being together.

Soon, our family became bigger — we had daughters Anna and Eva. And this was when we felt what parental burnout feels like. Yes, we truly loved our girls and tried to do everything in our power to raise them happy. But it seems that we overestimated our energy.

We tried to be exemplary parents: we bought the best toys and all sorts of things for their development, we signed them up for dozens of different classes, and on weekends, we’d go to aqua parks or mini-trips by car. And of course, we never even thought that we, as parents, would benefit from a small vacation.

When the girls turned 5 and 7 years old, my husband and I felt exhausted. We forgot that there was a life with parties, restaurants, clubs, and dates. And it seems that society actually approves of such selfless parents. But our marriage was already coming apart at the seams.

I don’t even remember who of us had the idea, “Let’s send Anna and Eva to grandma and go on a cruise together.” At first, the idea seemed wild. We were always so responsible about going on vacation with kids — we would make plans for every day and try to follow them carefully.

Honestly, we’d often return home from such vacation even more tired than before. 2 restless toddlers need a lot of attention. Even on the beach, we couldn’t relax in the sun: we had to watch our daughters and not let them swim alone, or throw sand at other people.

Several times a day, we had to calm the girls down when they wouldn’t share toys or would fight over small things, like who enters the hotel first. We often had to drag a bunch of kids’ stuff with us and had to carry a first aid kit with all types of meds.

And there was another problem: the unhealthy snacks on the beach. When Anna and Eva saw them, they’d make puppy eyes and start begging, “Please, buy!”

So, we realized that during such a vacation, only children can rest, and we, as their parents, get even more tired than when we’re at home. And that was when my husband and I decided to send the girls to their grandma and go on a cruise around the Mediterranean. Unfortunately, both of us felt guilt. We felt as if we abandoned our children.

Later, I found out that many parents deal with such feelings. Psychologists say that the first attempts to leave the kids for a few days to rest may actually feel like a traitor and egoist. Like, how can you enjoy your life while your kids are suffering without their parents?

In fact, it’s not just a vacation without kids, but a chance to take good care of yourself and restore your emotional resources. A well-rested parent is much more useful than someone who is burned out and irritated. Besides, it’s a chance to be alone with someone you love and remember why you love them so much.

And there’s another issue for parents that decide to take some time off. It’s the judgment of people around them that could say that good mothers and fathers should spend 24 hours and 7 days of the week with their kids.

Not even celebrities are safe from such discussions. Once, I came across an interview with actress Olivia Wilde. She said that people would call her a bad mother if she was seen in public without her 2 children.

And we finally decided to be “bad parents” at least once a year. So, for the third time in a row, my husband and I make a vacation just for us 2 — we leave the girls to our relatives and go on vacation or a different city, walk around the streets, go to restaurants and enjoy our time in nightclubs.

Every time, we travel without much stuff. All we need is a couple of sets of clothes, swimsuits, IDs, and credit cards.

I have a clear memory of my first day on vacation without kids. For the first time in many years, we’d wake up a short time before noon from the sunlight we could see through the curtains, and not from the noise of our kids. And then, we were on the beach, on the yacht, and sat hugging each other in a restaurant near the hotel.

And one time I did something I couldn’t even think about before: I left my husband with the girls and went on vacation to a nearby town with my friend. I mean, why not? For a few days, I could be someone but a mother and a wife and communicate with a person I’ve been friends with since childhood.

It was a great rest that gave me a lot of energy.

If my husband also asks me to stay with our children for a while, I’ll understand him. And it doesn’t matter who he decides to travel with — friends or alone. Many of us benefit from being alone to understand ourselves better.

I realized this a long time ago: only happy parents can raise happy children. And now, my husband and I are convinced that with our example, we show our daughters how to take care of themselves. These short breaks: from parenthood and even from each other, help us keep a healthy marriage.

And we also understand that sooner or later, our kids will grow up and will want to rest with their friends. Even now, Anna and Eva have friends they spend time with — they have mutual interests and secrets. And one day, we’ll hear them say, “Mom, dad, we love you, but we have our plans for the summer.”

When it happens, I will be happy for them. Because even the people that love each other shouldn’t forget about their interests and needs. And of course, I will let my daughters have a romantic vacation with their partners and leave their kids to stay with me.

Bonus: The opinions of other parents and children that were left with their relatives.

• Time away from the kids is pivotal to a happy, healthy marriage. Just because you have kids, doesn’t mean you stop nurturing the relationship with your spouse/significant other. Don’t neglect your children, but don’t neglect your relationship with your spouse either. Make weekly date nights a priority. Get away for a weekend or more, just the two of you. © Tiffany Wiley / Quora
• You can, of course, go on holiday with your kids, but that generally means it’s a holiday for your kids, not for you. Some savvy operators realize this: babysitting services, kids’ clubs, and whatnot are big selling points for cruise lines and resorts. So send the youngsters to Camp Grandma for a week, and go have fun. Everyone, kids included, will be the better for it. © Laura Mitchell / Quora
• When my sister and I were young, we loved the occasional weekend we spent having fun with our grandparents while Mom and Dad went to a hotel and had married-couple time. We knew our parents were coming back, and that they loved us. Kids benefit from being loved and looked after by people other than their parents every so often, and parents benefit from having kid-free time to focus on their marriage. It’s a win-win. © Catherine Birzer / Quora
• I was a single parent and sent my two children to my sister’s home for a week. I didn’t go anywhere. I stayed home, read books, watched movies, went on a long hike, and made a pair of curtains. My children were able to bond with their cousins and had a great week exploring the woods near my sister’s home, and to this day they reminisce about how much fun they had building a fort in the woods. © Michelle Martin Corson / Quora

Have you ever been on vacation without your children? Did you feel guilty, or did you feel like you broke free?