10 Tips to Have a Happy Family From Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka Who Have Been 18 Years Together

Many people believe that the family of Neil Patrick Harris and famous chef David Burtka is almost ideal. They have been 18 years together, are raising 2 children, and their feelings for each other seem to be as fresh as ever. At the same time, these men don’t try to hide that they’ve had bumps in their family life too.

At CHEERY, we decided to find out what helps these 2 celebrities keep their relationship strong despite their busy working schedules and everyday routine.

1. They respect each other’s honesty.

The future spouses first met in New York. Neil once ran into his friend Kate on the street, who was accompanied by David. At first, Harris assumed that Burtka was her boyfriend because the guy looked like a real macho with his leather jacket and stern look.

“He gave me the head nod and then turned away,” the actor recalls. At the time, Neil was completely desperate and thought that he would spend the rest of his days alone, never meeting his true love. But David won him over right from the start.

Kate told Neil that David wasn’t interested in the opposite sex, but he already had a boyfriend. Nevertheless, Harris didn’t lose hope. Their paths crossed all the time, they attended the same events and soon became good friends. And when Burtka broke up with his boyfriend, he asked Neil out.

“I said those 3 little words before David was ready to say them back,” Neil confessed. “He just said ’That’s really nice,’ which is not necessarily what you want to hear. But I appreciated his honesty in not jumping the gun and saying something because he felt obliged to.”

2. They admit that people and their relationships change over time.

David and Neil don’t want others to think of them as the perfect couple that lives in complete harmony and bliss. Any relationship changes over time, just like people do. Some couples cling to happy memories so much that they simply don’t let their love develop.

“I think you have to go into the future and into the unknown with brave abandonment,” David says. “I think people forget that we grow individually and that relationships grow individually and that it’s okay. It’s okay that you’re becoming different people sometimes.”

3. They believe that a happy marriage requires a lot of effort and work.

Neil and David admit that their marriage has had its ups and downs over the years. Harris says that sometimes he is head over heels in love with his spouse, but there are also days when he wonders where this all will lead to, and whether their family life is really what he’s dreamed of.

Burtka also admits that all couples can go through hard times. But he is looking forward to their future together. “Nothing’s perfect,” says David. “You have to overcome those issues and move on. We have a really great recipe for a wonderful relationship, but we don’t want to be the poster boys for gay relationships. We’re just trying—in a good, positive, loving way—to live our lives.”

4. They are not afraid to ask other people for help.

They believe the secret of their long and happy relationship is that they are always ready to communicate and discuss their issues. And they don’t hide the fact that they regularly go to couples therapy. But this doesn’t mean that Harris and Burtka are going through difficult times. They believe that it’s nice to talk to someone who is a mediator, and it has a beneficial effect on their marriage.

They diligently work on their relationship, not only for themselves but also for their son and daughter.
“It’s important for the kids to see that we are working on each other because it’s another job to cultivate.”

5. They share their views on family life.

David always dreamed of having a family and kids, and he talked this over with Neil on their first date. Burtka thinks that if Harris hadn’t shared his views, most likely they wouldn’t have ended up together.

“No matter what I do, whether being a chef or an actor or a dancer, being a dad is what I do best,” David says.

In 2010, their dream came true: twins Gideon and Harper were born via surrogate. During the first year, Burtka didn’t miss a nighttime or morning with the babies. He thinks it’s important to have other lives and feed your relationship, but it’s also important that children are raised by their parents. Neil and David say that their son and daughter are the best gift and that they really light up their life.

6. They are happy with what they have.

It might seem that a couple who loves their children so much would want more kids, but David and Neil say that they are happy with what they have. “Gideon and Harper are really great children and we are very lucky to have them,” Burtka confessed.

But they don’t plan to have more children. After they adopted their dog Gidget, they decided this was enough.

7. They were ready to wait for the perfect time for their wedding.

When Neil and David started dating, marriage was legally impossible for the couple. But this didn’t scare them. Burtka was the first one to propose to Harris, and it was a real surprise.

They were on their way to a party in New York when David asked to stop on the street where they had met. Then he got down on one knee and proposed to Neil. And a year later, Neil found a perfect ring and proposed to David in return.

It took 10 years for them to officially register their marriage. The wedding took place in Italy a few months before same-sex marriages became legal in the US. When Harris posted their wedding photos online, he wrote, “Love wins!”

8. They dedicate their weekends to their family.

The couple takes their parenthood very seriously and the children are their first priority. Neil even refused to participate in several projects so as not to leave David alone with the twins for a long time. They try to spend all their weekends together as a family.

They do grocery shopping, cook, read, and play together. They try to prioritize family dinners over a lot of things. While eating, they put their gadgets aside and just enjoy the food and the conversation. Harris revealed that Gideon and Harper have never tried fast food.

At the same time, the spouses try not to spoil their son and daughter and can be quite strict parents. They limit the time their children spend watching TV and playing computer games. If a serious conversation is required, then Neil usually plays the role of “bad cop.” At the same time, he notes that being a dad has also encouraged him to become a better listener.

9. They are certain that family traditions are very important.

No matter how busy David’s and Neil’s schedules are, they try to take their kids with them on every trip, and they make sure to spend all their holidays together with the twins. By the age of 11, Gideon and Harper have traveled almost the entire world. Family holidays help these two men to reboot and once again to realize what is really important in their lives.

Besides, they also try to invent their own family traditions: they come up with funny Halloween costumes and cook tacos on Tuesdays. Every Christmas, they all go to Disneyland. Harris hopes that they will be able to follow these traditions until the twins grow up.

10. They tell each other kind and gentle words.

Neil and David have been together for almost 2 decades, but it seems that their feelings for each other haven’t changed at all. They are not afraid to show their love for each other.

Harris says that Burtka is the main person in his life who inspires him and still remains his closest friend. He believes that his decision to go on a date with David was the best one he has ever made.

Burtka says that he is grateful for many things in his life: he has a great career and amazing kids. But most of all, he is happy to be the husband of such a wonderful person as Neil. Harris is a positive light that always makes him smile and puts up with all his craziness. David thinks he’s a lucky man.

What tips do you have to have a happy family life?