17 Stories of How Breaking Up Can Turn Into a Real Circus

Most people have stories up their sleeve about a significant other or a relationship that wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. But some people have been dumped for such ridiculous reasons that it’s hard not to share them online. That’s exactly what these Reddit users have done, and we’re not about to miss the opportunity to share the most colorful stories with you.

• My first boyfriend came over and dumped me on my front porch. He said he didn’t like my lisp. He also had a lisp. © kaairo / Reddit
• 2 months into dating a girl, I accidentally spilled some melatonin out of my backpack on her bedroom floor. She was like “What are those pills!?” She made a bunch of stupid accusations at me, and then blocked me on everything. © SummonWurm / Reddit
• I dated a woman for about a year and helped her finish her PhD. I proofread and wrote some of her thesis. After she received the degree, she broke up with me. She said she didn’t feel comfortable that she was better educated than I was. © Triple_C_ / Reddit
• She sent me a breakup text as she was with another guy. I got the story a couple hours later through a mutual friend who was there. The next day she called wanting to get back together. Basically, she just wanted to cheat guilt free. © siskulous / Reddit

• My first boyfriend dumped me for being a brunette. His exact words were, “I can’t go out with you anymore. I only date blondes.” I asked him, “Well... Why did you ask me out in the first place then??” He answered by asking me if I thought my blonde best friend liked him. © Cup-Mundane / Reddit
• 3rd or 4th date. Till then, everything had actually seemed pretty great. I took her to the movies, asked if she wanted butter on her popcorn. Get back to the seat, hand it to her, she takes a bite and spits it out comically like into the row of seats in front of us. Then yells at me, loud, so the people she just spit on already get even more of the experience ruined along with whoever they are sitting with: “Is there butter on this?” I said, “Yeah, like you said.” “Like I said, like I said? I distinctively said, ‘nah’ not ‘yah’, how could you?” Then she walked out of the date and our relationship. With popcorn. © billbaparker / Reddit
• “I love you. You’re the best man I’ve ever met, and I hope whoever I end up with is just like you. Just not you.” Then she kissed me and said she’d miss me terribly. Such a mess. She was “the one” until this moment. A few months later, I met my now wife. So universe, thank you for that. © HamburgerJames / Reddit
• Week after our 2 year anniversary I was dumped because he wanted to spend a year living in a shaolin temple in China to learn kung fu. As far as I know he is yet to make this big move. © jettinappropriate / Reddit

• When I was in second grade, I had a girlfriend. There was a kid in my class that had a crush on her. He told her that he hasn’t “pooped since he was like 2 years old.” I couldn’t compete with that and the next day, he was her boyfriend. © _butch_ / Reddit
• She broke up with me because I wouldn’t marry her. We had been dating for about 10 days and she called me at 1 a.m. saying “Marry me.” I replied, “I just met you!” Never heard anything from her after that. © CarlosAVP / Reddit
• She broke up with me after one day, she literally just agreed to date me the day before. I took her out to the movies, bought dinner, and after all that, she tells me she only wanted to know what it’s like to have a boyfriend, and now that she has, she’s no longer interested. © ibukun58 / Reddit
• A guy broke up with my sister because he found it difficult to wake up early when she was in the bed, the reason he gave was that he felt like there were less hours in the day for his interests and ambitions. This man broke up with someone because they made bed too comfy. © joehoul / Reddit

• I told my girlfriend not to cheat on me again. Seriously, I said I wouldn’t break up with her if it didn’t happen again, and then she broke up with me because she “don’t like ultimatums.” © DanteWrath / Reddit
• I was too happy. Not kidding. I dated a guy for a few weeks, and he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that I was the happiest person he’d ever met and didn’t think he could “keep up with me.” The real irony? I was at the lowest point of extreme depression and was socially masking to prevent anyone else from feeling my pain. © IsaacDcookie / Reddit
• Dated a girl for a very short time. One night she came over and started going on and on about her ex, how he was so controlling, manipulative, etc., and that she felt like I was going to be just like him because we both grew up on a farm, and we both liked cars. © alwaysmyfault / Reddit
• My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he wanted, and I quote, “a Latina with attitude” and I’m “a nice girl.” I’m not Latina and don’t have an attitude. He knew that 2 years ago, so I don’t know where that came from. © avreadriver / Reddit
• He told me I was fat. I was the exact same weight as when we started dating. A year later he wanted me back. I made sure I looked real good. We went out to dinner. When we got home, he told me how good looking I was. He leaned into kiss me. I backed up and said “I’m too fat remember!? Good night!” I was the same weight when he dated me. © Karenswalk / Reddit

Do you have any stories of ridiculous reasons for breaking up?