A Woman Asked Her Mom to Look After Her Newborn, and in Return, Her Mom Asked to Be Paid $20 an Hour

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Raising a child isn’t easy. So it’s not uncommon for new parents to ask other family members for support, especially in the early days. This is exactly what a Reddit user did: she asked her mother to look after her newborn baby. But the grandmother’s reaction left her mildly bewildered.

Why the young mom needed help

The 29-year-old decided to go back to work as soon as her maternity leave ended. All because she and her partner are currently in a difficult financial situation, and she happens to be the main breadwinner in the family.

"I make $55 K/yr, but have $39 K in student loans + $20 K in other debt (credit card, car loan, medical debt on credit). My partner makes about $36 K/yr and has $5 K in credit card debt.

The young mom revealed that she’s doing everything she can “to keep our family afloat.” Moreover, she has yet another challenge: to save enough money so that in a couple of years they can move into a 2-bedroom flat. By then, the baby will be a little older, and the family will need more space than they have now.

So that’s exactly why she took the risk of asking her mother to help out with childcare. But the latter wasn’t at all happy about this idea and said that her daughter had to rely solely on herself and her partner.

“I asked my mom to help me take care of my newborn. Mind you, my mom is 64, has been a homemaker since 1992, and hasn’t been part of the workforce since then. She refused, saying she was too old and that she had already raised her kids. She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home, like she did, to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a ‘traditional’ family. And that if she and my dad had been able to work it out, so could we.”

What was the solution the grandma offered

The woman explained to her mom why she needed to go back to work straight after her maternity leave ended. The grandmother then agreed to look after the baby but said she would do it on her own terms.

“She will charge me $20 for each hour she takes care of the baby, plus late fees if we are late for pickup, and must provide her with a car seat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house.”

The elderly woman also said that she had no plans of going to her daughter and her husband’s house. According to her, she has her own good reasons for this. And indeed, in the five years that her daughter has been in a relationship with her partner, her mother has visited them only once, despite living only 15 minutes away.

What decision did the parents eventually come to

The young mom realized that she wasn’t prepared to pay her own mother for childcare. Right now their family needs to save money to pay off their debts. So she started looking for other options to solve the problem.

“I’m on the fence about enrolling my baby into an infant daycare instead, as the cost will overall be lower and a little closer to our home.”

But the woman felt resentment toward her mother for not supporting her in this situation. The young parents were relying on the grandmother because all their other relatives work standard 9-to-5 jobs, and there was no way they could even take turns to help look after the baby.

“So, is it bad for wanting my mom, who again is at home all day long (trust me, she does not do anything besides watch TV and cook meals), to take care of my baby for free while my partner and I try to fix our finances?”

How other Internet users have reacted

This is the problem a lot of young couples are facing. Many just have a kid to have one, despite the economical struggle most couples will face. Lots of things are costing more (daycare, healthcare, rent, gas), however, salaries are not. Personally, unless I know I can move to a comfortable life on top of money for my hobbies, I wouldn’t want a kid, especially when you have to factor in the 22-year commitment and at least 18 years of being grounded. © Al319 / Reddit
I am happy that my mom is an involved grandma that wants as much time with our kids as possible. And we had the kids ride the bus to my in-laws’ house after school for a whole year until my husband started a job at their school. We truly lucked out. © AugustGreen8 / Reddit
Sorry to be blunt but maybe don’t have a child if you can’t afford to take care of them. And if your plan was always to go back to work, you should have discussed that during the pregnancy with your mom. © ImpossibleHand5086 / Reddit
It is reasonable to assume Grandma will babysit occasionally when asked. Not only is caring for small children exhausting but these situations almost always lead to Grandma never getting a day off. Every time she has a doctor’s appointment, wants to go on vacation, or is sick, childcare will be an issue. Not to mention caring for children isn’t free. © Used-Situation / Reddit

When our child was little, my partner worked 8 AM until 4 PM, and I worked 6 PM until midnight. We also made sure that we had the same day off. It saved so much money. Admittedly we hardly saw each other until our child started school, but sometimes needs must. © PowerfulBack6147 / Reddit
As a grandmother who did some part-time babysitting for my youngest grand, I think you need to find other solutions. I would never have agreed to full-time childcare. Your husband’s salary will barely cover the cost of newborn childcare, and after extra taxes and commute costs savings, it will be cheaper for him not to work, so he needs to stay home with the baby. © Donita123 / Reddit
I say this as a first-time mom to my 10-month daughter. Because we originally didn’t have childcare and both worked night shifts, one of us had to change our work schedule. I stayed during the day, and my partner stayed at night. It is hard that we can’t always do things together, but again it’s a sacrifice we make. Thankfully, my aunt helps watch her 3 days out of the week so that my partner gets better sleep. But whenever she’s sick or on vacation, that’s our typical routine. I do pay her even though she didn’t ask for it. © ***eiry / Reddit
Families help each other. I’ll be heading back to work, and my 65 y.o. mother will be looking after my baby for two days. And I am sorry you don’t have the family support you want. If it was “back in the day” and one income could support your household, this wouldn’t be an issue. It does take a village to raise a child and wanting family support is only natural. © k28c9 / Reddit

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