12 Reasons why Grandmothers and Grandchildren Are Often Closer Than Parents and Kids

Many parents notice that grandparents are often more lenient to their grandchildren, allowing them to do things they didn’t let their own kids do. Moms and dads are annoyed by such behavior because older relatives violate parents’ rules and may even spoil the kids.

We at CHEERY decided to find out whether it’s true that grandparents love their grandchildren more than their own kids, and why.

Evolution is responsible for the close relationship between grandmothers and grandkids.

Scientists conducted a lot of studies to find out why grandmothers play such a big role in their grandkids’ love and the reason why they feel so attached to them. So, they came up with the “grandmother hypothesis”. The idea is that the support of grandmothers helped women to have more children.

If there were elderly women in the tribe, the youngest members would survive more often. Besides, the longer a woman lived, the more grandchildren she had. So, she could pass on her longevity gene to more descendants. So, care, success, and a longer lifespan are closely connected.

They have an acute reaction to kids’ emotions.

The close connection between grandmothers and grandkids can be traced even in brain activity. A study showed that elderly women had different reactions to the photos of their grandkids and grown-up children. The former had an emotional response. If the kids were sad, the women were sad, and smiling faces made them feel happy.

But their own kids’ photos impacted different regions of their brains. The women tried to understand what their children were feeling. So, the photos didn’t cause such powerful emotions in them.

Relatives from the mother’s side usually feel more attached to the kids.

Scientists at Newcastle University decided to find out whether it’s true that relatives from the mother’s side are more interested in their grandchildren. According to the study, mothers’ parents visited their grandchildren more often than fathers’.

Scientists concluded that this might be due to evolutionary reasons. Finding out who the biological father is has become possible only recently. Before, it was impossible to know who the father was. This is why the father’s relatives don’t feel strong emotional ties to the grandchild.

Grandmothers often know better what grandchildren are capable of.

Parents usually see their children every day, and grandparents see the kids from time to time. So, it’s harder for moms and dads to notice the small changes happening to their kids.

Older relatives quickly notice the changes and have a more objective image of the child. In their past, there were fewer limitations, so they let their grandchildren experiment and learn to do new things. So, where parents see danger, grandparents see opportunities for development.

Older relatives are not as fixated on the future achievements of grandchildren.

When a woman becomes a grandmother, usually, she already has a career, she’s achieved success in different areas of life, and her kids are grown-ups. She has enough experience to know that a good relationship is much more important than money or achievements.

So, she has a different attitude to raising grandchildren. She focuses on their happiness at the present moment, instead of thinking about what they want their grandchildren to become in the future. Because there’s a big chance they won’t take any part in building their careers.

By showing love for grandkids, they demonstrate their tenderness for children.

When grandmothers take some of the responsibilities of grandkids, they help their own children. Young parents have more time for themselves.

So older relatives enjoy spending time with their grandchildren not only because of the grandkids but also because this is a way of showing love to their own kids.

Their feelings are not clouded by worries.

Even though most parents really love their children, they still worry about their future, worry whether they are doing everything right, and feel guilty when they don’t devote enough time to them. Grandparents don’t need to worry about these things.

The main responsibility is on the parent’s shoulders, and older relatives can give unconditional love to their children. That behavior gives to kids a priceless experience because they feel that someone is happy about the fact they exist, no matter what they do or achieve.

They value the time they spend with their grandchildren more.

Parents usually see their kids all the time, and may even get tired of them. And grandparents, especially when they live far away, value every single moment they spend with their grandkids.

They usually have more free time, so they can fool around and play with the kids. Besides, they can share some family stories with them, while other people are not as interested in them.

They try to be an important part of their grandkids’ lives.

While grandparents can’t really replace parents, they often have supporting roles. Kids have unconditional love for their parents because they fully depend on them. On the other hand, older relatives have to try hard to win their love. They may give them presents, and allow them to do the things they didn’t allow their own kids.

Having other grandparents in a kid’s life also matters.

On top of everything else, older relatives have to fight with other people for their grandchildren’s attention. While mothers and fathers have no competitors, grandparents may be jealous of other grandparents. And hoping to become favorites, they start competing, buying presents, and giving their attention to kids.

Having grandchildren gives them new opportunities.

Grown-up kids often blame their parents for the mistakes they did in raising them. Some didn’t get enough attention, others were loaded with too many responsibilities. And elderly relatives also realize that they did some things wrong. So, having grandchildren is a second chance to make up for their mistakes and give them what they hadn’t given to their own kids.

Communicating with kids helps them feel better.

By spending time with their grandchildren, elderly people get to remember what youth feels like. Many grandparents feel that the best parts of their lives are in the past, and there aren’t a lot of interesting things left. And when their homes are filled with joy, laughter, and fun, they feel a rush of energy and a good mood.

Studies show that communication with grandchildren lowers the risk of developing depression in older relatives. Besides, they take better care of their health and even beat diseases just to see the babies grow and develop.

Who do you have a closer relationship with: your parents or your grandparents?