We Found Out How Parents Deal With the Start of the School Year, and Here Are Some Tips on How to Support Children

Separation from one’s parents is a natural step of growing up. This is how kids become independent. Going to school is one of the separation periods. It’s what leads to the personal growth and development of the child. During moments like these, it’s important to support the child, and help them adapt to these important and necessary life changes.

We at CHEERY know that separation can cause anxiety in both children and parents, so we’ve prepared a list of recommendations that can help you deal with the worries.

Visit the school in advance

A new place may look mysterious and terrifying for kids. To help them get used to school, you can visit it before the lessons start. This way, they will see what the building looks like, walk around the corridors, look at the rooms and lockers, and meet the teachers. Even the experience of leaving the car near the school is helpful in preparing for the future routine.

• Children ease into gradually. Start out with meet the teacher with the parents for half an hour. Then the first day of school is only an hour. Then it’s three hours twice a week. Then it’s half a day every day. Then it’s 9-3 by the time they’re in first grade. © Mango123456 / Reddit

Let them take a toy with them

On their first day, let them take a toy. A familiar object can help your child feel safe in a new place. A family photo can also play the same role as a toy in this situation.

Help them make friends

If your child already has a friend at school or in their class, it will make the adjustment period a lot easier. To help your child make a new friend, you can ask other parents if someone from the neighborhood is starting school this year and arrange to meet them ahead of time.

Pick their clothes for the week together

Let your child pick their clothes for the first day. It may be their favorite outfit — anything to make them as comfortable as possible. You can choose clothes for the entire week together.

Don’t make the goodbye routine long and difficult

When you send you kid to school, remember that the goodbye routine should be short and pleasant: hug your child, kiss them, and say something nice. The faster the goodbye is, the easier it is for everyone. Don’t slow the process down with a long and strong hug, because it can make the separation more painful. It’s important to make the adaptation period as soft and positive as possible. A smile and good mood help kids socialize, and tears don’t.

Identify a safe place

During the first days, children may experience separation anxiety. A supportive adult and a safe place can help kids handle it. Talk to a teacher or a counselor and agree on a place where a child can go to reduce anxiety during stressful periods.

• Visit the school multiple times before school starts. Let him play on the playground so he has that familiar area. Send the teacher a message and ask if you can make an appointment to come see the classroom/meet the teacher. It’s generally pretty common to have a meet and greet with the lowest grade. © TikiTorchMasala / Reddit

Make a clear plan on how to calm down

Discuss strategies of calming down with your kids in case they have an anxiety attack. These things are helpful: deep breathing, counting, stretching, drawing, writing down the feelings, positive memories, thoughts that everything will be okay, and a reminder that they will go home very soon.

Be mindful of their feelings

If your child shares their fears about going to school, new teachers, and new friends, don’t just wave them off and say, “Nothing to worry about!” It’s a parent’s job to say that you know how they feel and show support and convince them that they can handle the changes.

• My kid started a new school, first grade. Lots of new things to get used to. Biggest issue is she closes down in the cafeteria, she’s never eaten in one before. She said she was too worried about what everyone else thought of her food. It’s one of the many things we deal with but it’s the newest one to date. I figure she’ll get used to it eventually, hopefully. © RandEHomeSolutions / Reddit

Be around during the first day

On the first day, a child can ask the parent to be around. It’s perfectly normal. You can stay in class for 15 minutes, an hour, or even the entire day, depending on the school policy. It’s important to help the kids get interested in the learning process and distract them from the idea of their parents leaving.

Write a love note

You can put a love note in with their packed lunch. By the time the child sees it, they will probably already be settled and happy and won’t need it. But a little extra encouragement doesn’t hurt. And think of it as a way to help yourself feel better — so you don’t miss your child as much.

Come up with a reward system

You can design your own reward system. Linda Roos of Scottsdale, Arizona, gave her kindergartner his own calendar. If he went to class without putting up a fuss, she put a smiley face on the calendar. On Friday, if he had five smiley faces, she made him a treasure hunt as a treat.

Maintain your routines

Kids aren’t the only ones who need support during the separation period. If parents are calm and confident, kids feel it. Moms and dads shouldn’t give in to their emotions and go back to school to check on their child or call them every hour to know they’re okay. The best thing you can do is distract yourself: do your job or tasks around the house to keep your mind occupied.

• How do you deal with a toddler child starting their ever first day of school as a parent? © daRudeDewd / Reddit
• You put on a brave face, pretend like it’s the most exciting thing in the world, and then go have a cry in your car. Then you go treat yourself to something, coffee, breakfast, whatever, and plan a way to keep yourself busy until the school day is over. © TheRadiumGirl / Reddit

How do you help your children handle the separation during the school year?