Jennifer Lopez Reveals the Lessons She Learned From Her Three Divorces, Which Allowed Her to Be Happy in Her Marriage With Ben

Today, Jennifer Lopez is happily married to Ben Affleck, and people around the world consider Bennifer the couple to look up to. The star admits that the time she took and the experience she gained in her previous three marriages have taught her a lot, and have led her to the union she’s dreamed of her whole life. We decided to take note of the relationship guru’s advice and share it with you, sparing no detail.

She lets go of the love that passed.

Jennifer’s first marriage to producer Ojani Noa only lasted a year. The love ended. And while the hit performer survived the breakup without getting too emotional, her ex-spouse still can’t let go of the situation. When J-Lo married Ben Affleck, Noa couldn’t hold back and made a sarcastic comment about her ex-lover and her fourth husband before retracting it to wish the newlyweds happiness.

She knows that marriage is built on more than just love.


Lopez’s second husband was Cris Judd. The star began the romance with the backup dancer immediately after her difficult breakup with P. Diddy. Jennifer gave herself fully to this relationship, but the marriage lasted less than a year: “Marriage is not just about love. I loved Cris, and still love him, he’s one of the best people. This wasn’t an easy thing to walk away from, but we didn’t have what it takes to make a marriage work. Cris knows the last thing I ever wanted was to hurt him.”

Acknowledges the mistakes she made in her youth

Mary Evans / Allstar / Graham Whitby Boot / East News

The first two marriages came at a time when J-Lo’s career was taking off. Both marriages were so short (under a year!) that the star doesn’t even consider them “proper”: “I was very young the first two times I tried to get married. I would say try to get married. I felt like if I got married, I felt like I would always have somebody, but that’s not how life works.”

Maintains a good relationship with the father of her children

Gregorio T. Binuya / Everett Collection / East News

Jennifer was married to her third husband, Marc Anthony, for 10 years. During this time, Lopez and Anthony had two children. After their separation, the musicians remained friends, parents, and professionals: “Marc and I are good how we are right now. We met working, and that’s where we’re really magical, when we’re on stage together, and so we leave it there.”

She uses creativity to help her heal.


In 2014, the couple formalized their divorce, and in 2017, Anthony and Lopez released an album together in Spanish. According to Jennifer, creativity helped them rebuild certain parts of their relationship that had been broken by marriage and divorce.

Reconciling and remaining good friends was the only option as the couple had twins, who were growing up: “It hurts me to see them miss him so much. They miss him so much! There’s no pain or failure like to go through a divorce.”

She walks the path of self-discovery.

0000001 / Reporter / East News

After her divorce, Jennifer, who had spent almost her entire adult life in a relationship, decided to spend some time alone. The star admitted to herself that she first needs to love herself and become whole and self-sufficient in solitude before being able to build a healthy relationship with someone equally as mature and ready for love.

Her heart is open to love.

Lopez seems to have succeeded in this journey of self-discovery: “For me, the relationship journey has been very up and down. But it didn’t have to do with anybody else but me — it was about me figuring out me. Until you learn to love yourself, you can’t completely love [someone else] in a way that is pure and true. Once you do that, you can have relationships that are based on love and respect, that are supportive and nourishing.”

And this kind of relationship eventually came along. In 2017, Lopez started dating baseball player Alex Rodriguez, whom she met back in 2005 while she was married to Marc Anthony. The relationship with the athlete lasted four years. The couple even got engaged but never did get married. Jennifer and Alex broke up amicably.

She never stops believing in love.

AP/Associated Press/East News

When Jennifer reunited with Ben Affleck 20 years after their engagement ended, she had been through three divorces and several serious relationships. J-Lo was only able to give Ben a second chance because she never stopped believing in love and marriage: “I do believe in marriage. And I would love to grow old with somebody in a committed relationship.”

She keeps her personal life private.

OnTheJLo via Grosby Group/Grosby Group/East News

In her marriage to Ben Affleck, Lopez has no intention of repeating her past mistakes. The global star has a hard time avoiding the limelight but is now trying to take the narrative into her own hands and keep her personal relationship as far away from the public eye as possible: “I became very guarded because I realized that they will fillet you. I really wish I could say more. I used to be like that. I am like that. But I’ve also learned.”

She’s not dependent on her partner.

The Golden Globe nominee says she had to change her mindset to stop being emotionally dependent on her romantic partners. She learned this from her last divorce. Jennifer wasn’t just left alone, she had children to look after, and it was them who motivated Lopez to become a better version of herself.

She always puts herself first.

Kristin Callahan / Everett Collection / East News

Eventually, Jennifer learned to love herself fundamentally and unconditionally. The star, who has established herself as both a singer and an actress, no longer seeks the approval of professional critics or romantic partners.

Self-love has, paradoxically, allowed Lopez to find harmony: “Self-love is really about boundaries. Learning what you’re comfortable with and putting up the boundaries, not being afraid of the consequences.” And one of these consequences is a romantic relationship in which you and your partner grow and support each other.

What piece of advice helps you build healthy, romantic relationships?

Preview photo credit ZUMA Press, Inc. / Alamy Stock Photo, Mary Evans / Allstar / Graham Whitby Boot / East News, Gregorio T. Binuya / Everett Collection / East News
Cheery/Music/Jennifer Lopez Reveals the Lessons She Learned From Her Three Divorces, Which Allowed Her to Be Happy in Her Marriage With Ben
Share This Article