Why Motherhood Is Like 2,5 Full-Time Jobs and It’s Not Just About Sleepless Nights and Never-Ending Chores

Being a mom is not always easy or pleasant. And it’s not a job you can finish doing. Women worry and care about their children, no matter how old they are: 5 or 50. Sleepless nights, a never-ending list of things to do, and worrying about children’s well-being are all very exhausting. Unfortunately, many people prefer to point out women’s mistakes instead of praising them for their successes.

We at CHEERY decided to find out why most women think that motherhood is such a difficult and responsible job.

Maternal duties can be compared to 2 full-time jobs.

For many mothers, working, doing house chores, and taking care of children turns into a never-ending exhausting marathon. It seems impossible to do all the things, and the to-do list just keeps growing. A study by Welch showed that women have a good reason to complain.

A standard working day for a mother, whose children are aged from 5 to 12, starts at 6 am and ends at 8 pm. It means that she works 98 hours a week, which equals 2,5 full-time jobs.

• The hardest for me is having the physical and mental energy for everything, while barely having any time for myself. My basic routine in a work day looks like this. Being awake around 6 am. Then I take the baby to daycare. Work from 10 am to 5 pm. Get my child from daycare with my husband. My husband and I alternate tasks between different household chores. Our kid goes to bed around 9 pm. I finally have some free time, but fall asleep soon after. At times my eyes can hardly remain open. © Mónica Valverde / Quora

In her Instagram post, Serena Williams said, “Working and being a mom is not easy. I am often exhausted, stressed, and then I go play a professional tennis match. We keep going. I am so proud and inspired by the women who do it day in and day out.”

Many moms just can’t afford to stop working.

Around 70% of moms of underage children are busy with full-time or temporary jobs, and many of them are the breadwinners in their families. Combining work and parenthood is not easy. Around 50% of mothers say that their jobs won’t let them pay enough attention to kids, and taking care of kids affect their performance at work.

A survey showed that women often choose families over jobs, which is negative for their careers. And if they have to quit to take care of their kids for some time, it’s hard for them to find a new job later, even if they have the necessary experience.

• When you are at work, you’re worrying that you are not spending enough time with your kids to be a good mother. When you are with your kids, you worry that you’re not spending enough time to do well at work. You never feel like you’re doing anything well. © Theresa Vaughan / Quora

Moms are more sleep-deprived than dads.

One of the first problems moms deal with when they have a child is chronic sleep deprivation. While fathers of newborns lose around 13 minutes of sleep, mothers sleep around 1 hour less than before. And not many mothers can return to the normal sleep schedule until the child is 6 years old. A lack of sleep affects the body, speeding up the aging process. Scientists still don’t know if it’s possible to compensate for lost sleep when women start sleeping enough.

• Sleep. Never quite, ever, getting enough sleep. You’re running on empty almost every second. You can try to give yourself a boost with caffeine, but it only takes you so far, and then it just does not work anymore. That was the hardest part for me. © Wendy Brown / Quora

Mothers think they’re not doing a good job.

Motherhood is often accompanied by guilt. Many mothers desperately try to be perfect, and they still feel that they don’t fit the standards. These thoughts result in guilt and burnout.

In one of her interviews, Gwen Stefani said, “I think it’s really hard to do it all, and impossible to do. And every single day I feel guilty. Yesterday, I was so guilty because I had a day off with the kids, and then I got on a Zoom about doing a video. And after an hour I was like, ‘What am I doing? This is my day with my kids.’ Like, so much guilt all the time.”

There’s no way to prepare for these responsibilities in advance.

Recommendations, books, and even getting familiar with someone else’s children can’t prepare a woman for motherhood. Every woman and every child is unique. So, the things that helped one kid may be totally useless to another. There are no manuals for this job, and women need to learn fast, often through trial and error.

Ashley Tisdale told in her blog, “I wish someone would’ve told me how hard breastfeeding really was. You see your friends who are new moms feeding their babies make it look so easy. But no one tells you how hard it really is.”

And Lucy Liu shared, “Also, you’re going to get advice from a lot of people, and you can take bits and pieces, but you know innately what your child needs. You should trust that. Don’t beat yourself up for making decisions about things that may or may not work. It’s an experiment in life, and you’re a part of that.”

In a conversation with Vogue, Cardi B said, “Moms always give advice like, ’Oh, when you have a baby things change, you will see, it’s not easy.’ It’s true. No matter how many books you read—because I read some books—you just really have to have a baby to see. I just want to say that I respect mothers more than ever now.”

Mothers are often criticized.

Most moms have dealt with criticism of their parenting methods at least once in their lives. Most of the time, they hear criticisms from relatives or even complete strangers. And while most women refuse to change their views, they still feel ashamed, and insecure.

Halle Berry has once been accused of hiding her children’s faces on Instagram because she was shy of her kids. Berry explained, “Let me be clear — I’m not at all ashamed of my children. I try to find creative ways to incorporate them into my feed because they are the biggest part of my life, but I also work very hard to keep their identities as private as I can, considering they are only children”.

Mothers’ minds are constantly busy with the search for potential threats.

Motherhood doesn’t only change women’s bodies, but also the structure of their brains. Scientists found out that during pregnancy, the amount of cells, responsible for social communication, is reduced. It helps mothers focus on their babies’ needs and quickly react to potential threats. And because women have to anticipate dangers and protect their kids, they might become overprotective. Of course, it’s very exhausting to be in such a state for a long time.

• You raise this little human, trying to protect it from all dangers, real or imagined. You make sure it’s clean, fed well, and sheltered from weather conditions. You teach them human manners, how to behave appropriately, educate them, snuggle and love them with all your might, because ultimately, as a parent you are responsible for all this. Then, before you know it, that tiny human you’ve dedicated so much to is ready to leave home and you. Letting go of that tiny now grown human is the most difficult task for most mothers, but it has to be so. © Cheryl Dwyer / Quora

There are no days off or vacations when you are a mother.

We can always take a day off at work, and just be alone, taking a rest from our partners. But being a parent means you’re busy 24/7. Most moms can’t ignore their children, even when they are feeling exhausted. Children always come first.

In a conversation with Refinery29, Hilary Duff said, “There’s always more pressure on the mom. My kids always just want me. They both want to play with me. They always want me to put them to bed. They always want me to make their food. Luca has so much more energy, and even though I’m fried I try to say yes. Once the end of the day is nearing, and I’m not feeling friendly, more guilt sets in. Why am I getting irritated by everything that they do?”

But this hard work still makes women happy.

Many women are skeptical about the opinion that motherhood is the hardest job in the world. At the same time, it’s hard to disagree that motherhood is a lot of responsibility for moms. People around closely watch mothers, set unachievable expectations, and rarely give them enough credit.

• Moms aren’t just mothers. They are nurses, counselors, hair stylers, maids, doctors, and teachers. © Emilia / Quora

No matter how much love and attention parents invest in their children, they can’t protect them from all the dangers and temptations. No matter how tired moms are in this everyday marathon, or how disappointed they are in themselves, one kind smile or remark from their child is definitely worth it.

In a conversation with HELLO, Kate Hudson said, “I’ve been a mom my entire adult life, I was very young when I had Ryder, and so I don’t remember my life not being a mother. I think it’s the best role in the world. I feel so honored that in this lifetime I get to do that.”

What do you think is the hardest part of being a mom?