14 Things It’s Time We Stopped Apologizing For

It seems that the ability to take responsibility for our actions, deal with guilt, and apologize is what makes us adults. But in some situations, apologies don’t help, but actually can make the situation worse. Such apologies may offend other people and make us look bad in front of strangers.

We at CHEERY decided to find out what things we shouldn’t apologize for.

Mess at home

How you organize your space at home is each person’s personal business. There’s no need to apologize for every little thing you think shouldn’t be visible to your guests, such as dirty dishes or children’s clothes everywhere. It will only make other people feel awkward, as if they came at the wrong time. Also, such apologies only attract attention to the mess.

Children’s bad behavior

At a certain age, any child can throw a tantrum, just because they can’t control their emotions well. Instead of paying attention to how other people react, focus on your child’s feelings and help them overcome this difficult moment.

It’s better not to apologize to other people, but thank them for patience. This can help make the situation easier for the parent and the people around them.

Making children apologize for bad behavior is also a bad idea. When a child is forced by their parents to say “sorry” even if they don’t really feel anything, they may start to doubt that their emotions are right. Teaching children to shield their emotions and lie about this can lead to low self-esteem in the future.

Coming to a birthday party without a gift

There are other ways of showing attention to friends and family, aside from presents. If someone is in a difficult financial situation and they can’t buy anything for their friends, there’s no need to apologize for it. It can make the moment awkward for everyone. On the other hand, you can always make something nice yourself. Such gifts can often bring more joy than something expensive.

Refusing to meet with friends

Sometimes, we are too busy to meet with friends or help them. In this case, apologizing won’t help you make up for it. Besides, apologizing too often will only irritate people. It’s just words, even if you mean them.

It’s better to suggest meeting another time, when you can. Show that you are ready to devote your time to them but at a later date. This works better than apologizing over and over again.

Your appearance

There’s no need to apologize for imperfections you perceive in your own appearance, even if you worry that your clothes look shabby, or that your hair is messy. Every person has the right to be who they are, and they can’t always look perfect. Besides, trying to match high standards can cause stress and anxiety. Most people don’t even notice such little things unless you draw their attention to them.

The inconveniences we make for other people

Sometimes, we apologize to people when we should really say “thanks.” If someone goes out of their way to help you, thank them instead of apologizing. This way, you will show your respect and gratitude instead of shame or guilt.

Your own opinion and feelings

Everyone has the right to have their own views and ideas, even if they are not the same as other people’s. Don’t hide your thoughts and emotions, especially not from people you are close to. Frank confessions help people understand each other better. When we apologize for our views, we devalue them and make them sound as if they are not that important.

Saying “no” to someone

It’s always unpleasant to say “no” when you are asked to help or hire someone. You may feel an impulse to apologize at such moments. But many people do this just to get rid of their feelings of guilt.

Your apology doesn’t help the other person deal with their negative emotions. It wasn’t an accident that you said “no,” it was a calculated decision. Asking people to forgive you can also make them feel more hurt instead of less. Sharing the reasons behind your decision can be more helpful in moments like this.

Not being able to reply to a text or answer a call right away

Technology allows us to stay connected 24/7. But it doesn’t mean that this is what we should do. Some questions need to be answered fast, but others can wait a day or two.

So, don’t respond to a question with an apology. People don’t really need it. Besides, guilt can slow down the work flow and ruin the relationship.

The questions that seem silly or unimportant

Sometimes, we feel like we are asking silly questions. But even in cases when this is true, we don’t need to apologize. This habit makes you look bad and does harm to the entire group. If you apologize for such questions, other people will think that they shouldn’t ask their questions either. This can lead to mistakes.

Also, people tend to overestimate how much they understand new material. They tend to think they understood everything, and there’s nothing else to clarify. But additional questions can help them consider if there’s something they need to ask.

All the things that don’t deserve to be mentioned

If you keep apologizing all the time, these words will lose their power and may end up irritating people.

When someone apologizes for all the small things they do, they mean that they believe it’s all their fault. This unpleasant habit is a signal of a low self-esteem, and it can create big trouble for a relationship.

The things we can’t control

Some things, such as weather, illness, or other people’s behavior, are out of our control. When we apologize for them, we confuse people. It seems to imply that we could do something about the situation. Just show your compassion, but don’t say you are sorry.

When we want to be alone

We shouldn’t feel guilty when we want to be alone and have some rest, even from close people. It’s only natural, and we shouldn’t apologize for it. Besides, being apart for some time only makes relationships stronger.

Spending money

Any adult person that earns money and calculates risks shouldn’t apologize to others for seemingly irrational purchases. Only they can decide what to spend their money on, whether that’s a new car or a vacation. Besides, people often jump to conclusions based on the photos from social media, and they don’t know the whole story.

Do you struggle with over-apologizing?